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Home | Friday 28th January 2011 | Issue 756

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A quick women’s mag-style poll of SchNEWS’ feminine side reveals that the ideal man would be tall, dark, handsome with a good sense of humour and a good arse; reliable and a bit of rebel with a sensitive streak (SchNEWS’ masculine side is at least, er quite tall). But could Glaxosmithkline meet these criteria? Or Coca Cola? One Florida lonely heart is hoping so.

Testing the American concept of Corporate personhood to the limit, Sarah Steiner is on the prowl for a corporation husband. Marking the one year anniversary of the Supreme Court ruling that decreed corporations, as legal people, should have no restrictions on funding partisan political campaigning, Sarah has her heart set on a holy merger-mony and settling down to raise little subsidiaries of her own.

Modern woman that she is, Sarah says the partnership would be an open marriage. “I don’t think I could keep a whole corporation satisfied” she said. As a former co-chair of the Green Party of Florida, Sarah is after a corporate hubby that is environmentally conscious, socially responsible and “not evil.” Good luck with that one...

* For the definitive list of reasons why corporate personhood is one of the scourges of humanity, for gawds sake read The Corporation: The Pathological Pursuit of Profit and Power by Joel Bakan - or if you’re one of the Twitter generation who can’t process more than 140 characters at a time, see the movie.


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